Imagine a relationship is like a car. You can’t drive without the wheels, right? So, when it comes to any relationship you need four working wheels. We will call these the non-negotiables.
I have this concept when it comes to relationships. There’s the core, or what I like to call, the four wheels. And, then, there’s the engine that keeps the relationship, well, running. The wheels are the most important parts of every relationship. Without them, there isn’t a working relationship at all or a healthy relationship (because you can’t go anywhere). And the fuel, every relationship takes a different type. Let’s explore the idea of what the most important relationship factors are.
What’s The Core Of Every Relationship
Although the particulars are different for every relationship, It is what’s at the core that will always be the same. I call it the “wheels”, and that will be its own topic for another article. But, just to give you an idea, the core of every successful relationship MUST have these four “wheels” to keep it running.
These four factors are non negotiables for a functional, successful relationship:
When one of the above factors breaks down, it trickles over to the other three pieces of the core, or the wheels. Without all of the four wheels working together, your relationship will stay broken down at the side of the road until you can get it fixed. …If the four non-negotiables are not already in place at the beginning of the relationship, then there is no fixing it. The relationship won’t make it anywhere because those wheels aren’t in place.
What Fuels The Relationship Engine
The fuel is what will be different for everyone. It’s your personal list of what you look for in an ideal partner. The following list is the tip of the iceberg and gives a sampling of factors to consider as your relationship engine fuel:
- A sense of humor
- Things you have in common
- Moral compass, ethics, and values
- Similar energy—if you’re a positive, upbeat person, chances are, you’re not looking for someone with a dark energy.
- Similar ambitions
The Most Important Relationship Factor
Communication, intimacy, trust, respect. Without one, the rest won’t work. It’s like a domino effect. You can’t have intimacy without communication. If trust isn’t there, no intimacy or communication…or even respect. The four work together in tandem.
We’re all raised differently, which means we all communicate differently. If you grew up in a house with yelling and swearing, chances are, that’s how you communicate. But, that doesn’t work with someone who didn’t grow up that way, and doesn’t understand that form of communication.
Listen, relationships are tough. Even the happiest, most functional ones, go through tumultuous phases. It’s pretty normal. There’s no such thing as ‘smooth sailing’ because you’re bound to run into an unexpected wave, or even a storm.
Being able to effectively communicate means you’re choosing your relationship, every single day. You show up for it, you’re both present, and ready to put in the work. If you don’t, you’ll have a constant battle on your hands, and that deck is stacking pretty high against the two of you.
If your communication styles are different, then guess what? You need to communicate that to each other. So, when you need your partner, they’ll know how to be there for you. Even if it means you have to say those dreaded words, “This isn’t working anymore”.
Let’s delve into this one a bit more. You want someone who aligns with who you are. Sure, opposites attract, but you still must have some things in common. Whether you’re a talker and your partner is a listener. Or, you both are driven and hard working. Maybe antiquing and movies are your jam. Whatever these commonalities are, they’re a driving force in the vehicle that is your relationship.
In a long term relationship, small things become ginormous. It’s true. It used to bug you the way your partner squeezed the tube of toothpaste, but now it’s bordering on becoming a deal breaker. Having a common ground, along with open and honest communication, can make the wheels of your relationship straighten and get back on track.
Bringing In An Expert
In so many ways, relationships are like cars. And, just like a car, relationships may need a tune up. Life Matters Coaching can help. Give us a call for your consultation, let’s fill those tires with air and get you back on the road of your life.