strategies for dealing with a crazy maker

I suggest before reading this, take the time to read: It’s Not You. It’s Them. Now, that you recognize what a crazy maker is, here are some tips on how to deal with them.

TAKE AN OBSERVER’S POINT OF VIEW

There is something about detaching and seeing a crazy maker from an observer point of view that helps you not get entangled in their mess. It is almost like listening to someone speaking a different language. All of a sudden, their attacks seem silly and confirm to you that they are dancing to a much different tune. Letting go can be the biggest power struggle deflator of all.

It can also save your sanity because you can stop yourself from engaging in a needless battle.

MAINTAIN A HEALTHY SELF-WORTH

Sometimes we attract crazy makers in our life because they reflect our own lack of self-worth. We let bullies bully us because we somehow feel we deserve it on some level. We teach people how to treat us and often reinforce crazy making behavior in our lives through accepting it. Do not! Start telling yourself you are worth more. You cannot really ask for something from somebody else if you are not giving it to yourself first. So, love and respect yourself. Be gentle with yourself – especially when dealing with a crazy maker. As proof, notice if the crazy-maker in your life treats other people better than you. Pay attention and notice if those people exude a higher sense of self-worth. That might be a clue to improve your own self-worth through positive self-talk and care.

KEEP A HEALTHY DISTANCE

Do you really have to have the crazy-maker in your life? Can you just keep a healthy distance? Are you in a trap of believing that you will be worth more if the crazy maker finally treats you better? They probably will not so do not be afraid to move on.

Crazymakers (narcissists) need an audience to maintain drama, they are dependent. You are the dance partner in their crazy-making dance and you can choose to stop dancing with them at any time. There are other jobs and other friends and other lovers that are healthy. If it is a relative, you can still keep a healthy distance. Keep visits short and reward yourself afterward with nurturing care and positive self-talk.

CULTIVATE INTERNAL VALIDATION

Sometimes people will not play fair. They will use crazy-making tactics and engage in power struggles to feel better about themselves. You can play into it and escalate the battle or you can take the higher road. Taking the higher road includes; finding internal strength. What does internal strength feel like? Well, it begins with you placing your needs above the crazy makers. Do we get in touch with what we really want? Inside, somewhere you know that you want things to be different. You know that you want to be treated better and deserve to be treated better. Who is this person? This person that gets to be in control of what you do, how you do it and how you feel?

Tap into yourself. Set your boundaries. Be clear. Do not let fear lead your choices. People cannot drain you if you do not allow them to. And certainly, if you are not available to them.

Say no to crazy makers and yes to yourself.

2 Comments

  1. Jodi 08/25/2018 at 11:05 AM

    My husband is a crazy maker. It is so subtle that it is hard to see. I have been severely abused my entire life and thought since he didn’t hit me or call me names that it is me who causes it. It is making me insane. I cry almost everyday because he hurts me so badly. How do I stop allowing him to hurt me. You just never know when it is going to happen. I am very low in self confidence. I have something wrong in my brain and fibromyalgia and don’t always have the brain power to fight him anymore. I don’t know how to be strong enough. I know I have to learn more self confidence. He has absolutely no empathy. He will take one thing I say and twist it all around then try to hurt me with my won feelings and thoughts. How do I get more strength?

    Reply
    1. Life Matters Coaching 08/28/2018 at 4:48 PM

      Hi Jodi,

      I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. How long have you been married? It sounds like the abuse in your life began long before you got married, is that accurate?

      Part of what crazy maker’s do is exactly what you are describing. They break down your senses and your ability to fight back and make you question your own sanity. It is exhausting and I would imagine it is not helping with your struggle with Fibromyalgia.

      Self confidence and personal strength are both necessary to fight your way out and gain control of the situation.

      A good way to begin with that is to make a list of all the things you like about your self. This exercise is a great way to start getting back in touch with how you are. It does not matter how many items are on your list, aim for a minimum of 5.

      Let me know how that goes for you.

      Doren

      Reply

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